It's hard to explain how I'm feeling with this pregnancy. I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and I feel so disconnected to my pregnancy. I planned this with my husband, I see the ultrasounds and baby boy moving around, but it's as if I'm watching someone else's. I know this sounds crazy, right? I see the baby moving on the screen and its so cool and beautiful, but as soon as I leave the doctors office I can't wrap my head around it being my pregnancy, my baby.
I just feel like I'm relying on someone else telling me "your pregnant," but aside from my shitty days of morning sickness, bigger boobs and rounding belly, theres still no proof. It still doesn't feel real to me.
I feel like my excitement for baby boy stems from other peoples excitement. I'm not stressed, I don't feel sad or depressed, but the feeling of disconnection makes me feel extremely guilty. I read about mothers bonding with their child in the womb, and think, Why not me? I don't want little boy to think that he's not wanted, the thought of that breaks my heart, so the guilt sets in more from my disconnected feelings.
Because of my feelings I took to the internet and apparently I'm not the only one that has felt this way before. But I'd like to hear from my network: Did anyone else experience a disconnected pregnancy. Did it get better as time went on or what was your experience like?
I know every mother, every pregnancy and every body is different and some moms need more time, or to actually hold their baby to feel the first, deep connection.
I would love to hear from you mommas out there on your pregnancy experience.